The feeling we get from breakups hardly pans out as expected, especially those from toxic relationships. One would expect to get a sort of relief, but it turns out to be a traumatic experience half the time. And funny enough, the feeling usually isn’t any different even if we initiated the breakup.
Well, that’s kind of the general feeling with breakups, regardless of who initiated it (toxic or not). What you did not realize is after she really leaves, you will need to readjust to a whole lot of things and routines. The calls, her presence, her voice, her troubles, and even the ugly stuff.
In reality, a huge chunk of your future plans, selfhood, sense of stability, and self-worth just got blown out of the sky.
So the question is how do you move on? How do you get used to the new norm?
If you stay long enough, you might just find out…
Jumping into these tips, listed below are ten of them.
How to Get Over a Toxic Girlfriend
Accept that Everything will feel Awful for a while
Acceptance is clearly the first step to getting things back to normal. It basically has to do with accepting that breaking up has side effects. Things do not magically return back to normal.
Accept that changing schedules, moving out, being alone, and letting go of every other thing you did together is a part of your healing process.
Do not beat yourself up if you can literally do nothing for the next few days. You can basically get your laundry, dishes, and cleaning done by a paid hand.
Just ensure you do not pressurize yourself to act normal or bounce back. Give yourself time.
What you do the next few days after your break-up largely determines how quickly you will be able to move on. A huge number of individuals carry baggage from toxic relationships for a long time. And most times it takes loads of sessions with shrinks to get off the blowbacks from the unhelpful post-breakup activities they had indulged in.
Unhelpful post-break activities may include pestering your ex or indulging in alcohol, hard drugs, sex, and so on.
Although, it is totally okay to have some crazy nights to help you deal with your emotions, do not make it a norm.
Have a couple of sober nights with some close friends. Indulge in creative and constructive activities like writing, music, or art.
Channel that pain into these creative activities other than the opposite.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
Your healing process may be short-lived if you do let those emotions out without restrictions. For different people, grief takes different shapes.
However, you just need to realize that there is no shame in crying your eyes out, wallowing, repeatedly listening to your song, sobbing at romantic movies, and all of that stuff. Just resist the urge to call your ex while at this.
Give room For Support from friends
Having to go through this in isolation may not be the best of ideas. Trust me when I say that having friends and family around would quicken your transition back to normal.
And when I mean friends, I mean real friends. These sets of people basically know what to do to cheer you up. Things like your favorite sport, food, spot in the city, and so on.
But most of all, this set of people do not take it out on you when you snap. You literally need all the love and distractions you can get.
Look After Yourself
Yea, this may sound redundant but I just need to emphasize it. So, you will have to hear it again for the umpteenth time.
Take very good care of yourself physically and emotionally. This means eating good food, getting some exercise, trying to get more sleep.
Furthermore, you may also need to make conscious efforts to forgive yourself. This has nothing to do with the fact that you may have contributed to the ugly things in the relationship. It’s just a prerequisite for your peace of mind.
Forgive yourself for staying for as long as you did, forgive yourself for leaving, forgive yourself being a victim or a perpertrator as the case may be.
As tricky as this sounds, it’s one piece of the puzzle you should not overlook. It’s one way to explore your emotional side which is mostly the affected area in breakups. Trust me, it gets better after the first few sessions.
Therapy helps you analyze the psychological effects of breakups and how it connects to other parts of your life. It helps give you context and perspective on what’s happening and opens up new possibilities.
Sounds too good to be true right? Well, it comes with a condition though; An open mind.
However, it may take a while to find a good one because to really get your desired results you need someone you can click with. So it’s okay to quit after the first few sessions if you do not feel the connection. Just ensure it’s not a fault on your part.
Say Yes to New Things
After months of grief, knowing when to start trying out new things is pretty vital. Consciously fill up the void you feel. Therapy sessions should help you deal with this part. But how you decide to go about this is up to you.
A good place to start though is trying out useful, fun, and creative activities like learning to code, dance classes, Volunteering, Going to music and comedy concerts, Swimming classes. Just anything that rocks your boat.
Open up to new ideas, new people, and new projects.
Most people use messy breakups and toxic relationships as an excuse to keep to themselves. But trust me, keeping to yourself only makes matters worse.
Do this not because they’ll necessarily be potential friends or dating partners, but because people open doors – to new opportunities, new ways of thinking, new academic projects, new senses of humor, and yes, new friends and potential dates too. Don’t neglect your old friends, either – just try and engage honestly and emotionally with people and things as much as is comfortable for you, and see what happens.
However, while at this, try not to get too conscious but do not throw caution to the wind either. You do not want to make the wrong decision or get your heart trampled on again.
Follow Inspiration and Connections
When something feels true and good, follow true with them. Things like a new hobby, a new book, game, band, or even a new friend. See where it leads.
I am not promising that by a six months mark every memory of your ex would be off without a trace. There’d be definitely sad and difficult moments but that should not prevent you from letting yourself follow connections or maybe love again.
Just Keep Going
Well, the best person who expressed this better was Ranier Maria Rike according to Pride.
‘Let everything happen to you – beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.’ Just keep going – getting up, going to work, seeing friends, trying to be creative and honest – and you will, eventually, travel. You will be somewhere other than where you started, and with additional tools and insight and self-knowledge to boot. It won’t be easy – it might be hellish – but if you keep moving, you will end up somewhere else. You will move forward. Where you end up is up to you – but you will have the chance to make it marvelous.
Breakups are always the worst, regardless of who initiated it or if it was toxic or not. So do not expect a smooth quick sail. Mostly it just demands a little effort from you to make this happen.
But in any case, you have a problem trying to get on with these, a piece of professional advice from us should put things in perspective, Reach out in the comment section.
Toxic Girlfriend FAQs
What are the signs of a toxic girlfriend?
The following are signs of a toxic girlfriend;
- Lack of support.
- Toxic communication.
- Jealousy or Envy
- Controlling behaviors.
- Patterns of disrespect.
- Negative financial behaviors.
How do I deal with a toxic girlfriend?
The following are ways to deal with a toxic girlfriend;
- Determine whether or not the relationship can be saved.
- Be prepared to walk away.
- Keep an eye out for the ABCDs.
- Make use of your voice.
- Begin to take up space
- Seek assistance.
- Learn to believe in yourself and stick to your convictions.
- Explore healthier ways to communicate criticism as partners.
What makes a girl Toxic?
Toxic people like manipulating those around them in order to achieve their goals. This entails lying, stretching the facts, exaggerating, or omitting information in order to influence you to do a particular action or acquire a particular view about them. They’ll go to any length to achieve their goals, even if it means harming others.