PASSIVE AGRESSIVE COMMENTS: Meaning, Examples & Best Responses

Instead of being directly confrontational, those who are passive-aggressive are indirectly aggressive. Passive-aggressive comments, for instance, can manifest as opposition to another person’s wishes by delaying, being sour, or being difficult.

Learn more about what it means to be passively hostile, the activities that typically go along with it, and examples of passive-aggressive comments. Additionally, we discuss how to react when talking with someone who uses passive aggression.

Someone who is aggressive is more confrontational or overly assertive, while someone who is passive frequently allows others to take the lead. Therefore, a person who is passive-aggressive comments on situations in a less obvious or direct manner.

There are many ways that passive-aggressive comments might manifest. The following are examples of passive-aggressive behavior:

• “Ghost” you, or pretend to vanish
• Offer you a sly compliment ( “You did the dishes, as I saw. I was taken aback “)
• Treat you imperceptibly
• Indirectly reject your request (i.e., don’t do as you’ve asked but don’t tell you no)
• Offer justification rather than speaking honestly
• They put off doing what you’ve asked them to do.
• React to your demands with sarcasm or subliminal jabs

Even though they are visibly upset and not okay, a person who uses passive aggression may continually assert that they are not angry or feeling fine. They prevent further contact and refuse to talk about the problem by rejecting what they are feeling and refusing to be emotionally vulnerable.

Examples of Passive Aggressive Comments

#1. Indirect Rejection

Passive-aggressive comments are defined as indirectly refusing to meet someone’s needs. For instance, let’s assume you repeatedly asked your partner or roommate to do the dishes, and while they didn’t flat-out refuse, they didn’t mean to do the dishes. Sure, they could just be being lazy. But they can also avoid the dishes on purpose out of spite without telling you what’s going on.

#2. Ghosting

Ghosting is a typical form of a passive-aggressive comment. A passive-aggressive individual would rather never speak to you again than embrace the fact that they no longer want to communicate with you.

#3. Being Tardy

Passive-aggressive people frequently arrive late. This may appear to be procrastination. The theory behind this is that a passive-aggressive individual will put off doing anything until the last minute rather than directly addressing their displeasure.

#4. Silence

In some situations, silence can be exceedingly passive-aggressive. This may manifest as stalling in the middle of a conversation, avoiding answering a question, or setting a text to “read.” Remaining silent when a reaction is necessary might be construed as passive aggression.

#5.Excuses

Sometimes, instead of expressing their grievances openly, people will invent justifications for doing or not doing something. Being unwell frequently in a way that interferes with obligations or causes you to “forget” crucial meetings or dates might be passive-aggressive.

#6. Patronizing

Sometimes people will use passive-aggressive comments when speaking, such as when making patronizing remarks. Maybe they insult your intelligence by asking, “Do you understand what I mean by that?” or jokingly refer to you as “child” or “honey.” Anything that gives them the impression that they are superior and you are inferior can be extremely passive-aggressive. (This is also a common trait of narcissists.)

#7. Sarcasm

Sarcasm can also be passive-aggressive in some situations. Passive-aggressive behavior would be displayed, for instance, if you invited your spouse to a family event and they responded with, “You know how much I love your family,” in a mocking manner. They’re hiding their unfavorable thoughts by making jokes instead of talking openly about their problems with your family.

#8. Sarcastic Compliments

Backhanded praises are particularly passive-aggressive, Consider comments like “Wow, your dress is actually really cute today,” or “I’m impressed you acted civilized all night.” In reality, negging, which is this conduct, is a type of manipulation.

#9. Unwanted Suggestions or Opinions

Unasked-for opinions on sensitive subjects might be passive-aggressive, Maybe they say something like, “I’d focus on dropping a few pounds if I were you,” or “You’ve been looking extremely tired lately—you should get more sleep.”

#10. Sarcastic Remarks

Passive-aggressive comments include all comments that convey a general air of contempt or anything that comes off as disrespectful. For instance, when you prepare a lovely meal for someone and they only reply, “Good food, it was edible.”

#11. Negative Body Language

Last but not least, passive-aggressive body language is also possible. Instead of expressing their annoyance directly, they can be seen pouting, crossing their arms, or rolling their eyes. Actually, passive-aggressive behavior is any action that conveys unpleasant emotions without explicitly expressing them.

Passive-Aggressive Comments Effects

Passive-aggressive comments can have a bad impact on a person’s relationships. People they contact might not understand why they are receiving the silent treatment or why their requests are being ignored because they don’t express their emotions out loud. This makes it unclear what is happening.

These actions may damage the relationship over time. The spouse of the passive-aggressive person may grow weary of being repeatedly asked to do something, or they may begin to dislike the snide remarks. This might drive a wedge.

What Makes Passive-Aggressive Comments Happen?

Family connections, romantic partnerships, and even relationships at work and in school can suffer from passive-aggressive tendencies. Why then, is this frequently damaging conduct so widespread? Passive aggression can result from a variety of factors.

• Family Upbringing: According to some experts, passive-aggressive comments can result from a child’s upbringing in which direct emotional expression was either discouraged or not encouraged. People may believe that they are unable to express their true emotions as a result, choosing to quietly channel their rage or irritation instead.
• Mental health status: Studies have linked passive-aggressive actions toward oneself and depression. This is believed to be caused by the person’s disposition, attributional style, and coping mechanisms for stressful events.
• Situational factors: The environment can also affect passive-aggressive conduct. You could be more likely to act subtly when someone annoys you if you are in an environment where showing aggression is not socially acceptable, like at work or at a family event.
• Fear of conflict: Being aggressive and emotionally honest is not always simple. When speaking up for yourself is challenging or even frightening, using passive aggression may seem like a better method to handle your feelings without having to face the cause of your ire.

How to Deal with Passive Aggressive Comments

#1. Don’t Fall for the Trap

It can be difficult to know when to react to someone who is being passive-aggressive and when to join in on the drama they are creating. you should answer without handling their emotional needs for them. Therefore, refrain from posing inquiries like, “Why did you say that?” or “What actually did you mean?”

As an illustration, a friend thanks you but doesn’t appear happy.

How to respond: Respond to the question's content, not its situational context. An effective method to disarm someone is to just say "you're welcome," which meets them where they are while refusing to fall for their trap.

#2. Remain in the Present

If you’re criticizing someone for their actions, it’s likely that this isn’t the first time they’ve behaved that way. Keep in mind that this behavior is typically picked up as a strategy to avoid conflict when young.

Even so, living with the Passive-Aggressive Man, it’s not a good idea to write up all of the past transgressions or make broad generalizations. Instead, pay attention to what just occurred.

The outfit does an excellent job of concealing your weight gain, according to your mother, for instance.

How to respond: Avoid making a blanket comment about how she always criticizes your appearance (even if you feel that way). Instead, concentrate on that particular time and express to her how her words make you feel.

#3. When speaking, Be Confident

There is no need to dodge the issue at hand because the passive-aggressive person is being avoidant. Instead, deal with the problem head-on. Use “I” expressions and pay attention to your emotions. Instead of using the word “you,” which might seem accusatory, this approach fosters empathy and understanding, 

Example: You see a family member seasoning a meal you created while at the dinner table. They have tampered with your recipes before, too.

How to respond: Go up to them and say, "I saw you putting spices." You disrespect me when you act in such a manner without first consulting me. I don't want to change the entire recipe, but it's okay if you want to make adjustments to your own dish.

#4. Ensure the Penalty is Appropriate for the Crime

Having obvious repercussions for their conduct is one technique to persuade people who use passive aggression to alter their behavior. However, those penalties might easily go too far (for example, yelling “I’m never talking to you again!” in the heat of the moment).

How to manage it: The next time, be upfront and tell them that you don't like it when they leave you hanging. Tell them you'll invite a different friend in place of them if they insist on doing it.

#5. Recognize Your Audience

Some people won’t respond when you talk to them, no matter how hard you try. Many passive-aggressive individuals won’t change because you find it upsetting.

It can be useful to perform a fast cost-benefit analysis when choosing whether to bring up a person’s behavior in order to determine whether it is worthwhile to try to persuade them to change. Speaking with your spouse, therefore, carries a lot less dangerous than speaking with your boss.

Example: After receiving praise for your efforts from another corporate leader, your boss becomes silent.

How to respond: Do you think speaking with your manager is worth your time and effort? Can it bring about change? Will it have repercussions, such as losing your job or being passed over for promotions? If so, ignore their rant and concentrate on fostering a nice atmosphere at work.

CONCLUSION

Although it can be devastating, all of us occasionally act in passive-aggressive ways. You can address passive-aggressive tendencies with the people in your life and reduce the potential harm to your own relationships by learning what triggers them and how to deal with them.

Passive Aggressive Comments FAQs

What is an example of a passive-aggressive comment?

Negative remarks or subtle digs are frequent examples of passive aggression. For instance, a person might make a remark about something that they are aware makes another person uneasy, like their dating life or weight. They might also inadvertently harm someone by using their understanding of their past.

What to say to passive-aggressive comments?

 
Don’t interact: Manly asserts that sometimes the best course of action is to ignore the conduct. …

Point out inconsistencies in their conduct. Klapow advises sharing your findings in a non-judgmental manner when someone says one thing but acts another to help them understand.

What makes a comment passive-aggressive?

Someone who is aggressive is more confrontational or overly assertive, while someone who is passive frequently allows others to take the lead. Therefore, a person who is passive-aggressive exercises influences over situations in a less obvious or direct manner.