Why is dating so hard

Do you wonder why dating is so hard nowadays? The dating market keeps expanding daily; that is, the community of people searching for that significant other with whom they can share some personal connections and relationships. More eligible persons are available as the second, minute, hour, day, month, and year ticks by, but it seems that dating has become harder.

Harder in the sense that connections are harder to form, decisions of who to date are more difficult to make, expectations are hardly met, and many cases of disappointments have made some lose interest. So, you can rightly say that dating is hard, especially as the year advances.

It’s not something new when you hear people ask, “Why is dating hard?” it is one of the major questions on search engines today. You know it’s frustrating to be single sometimes, especially when you don’t want to be single. Many people have come to a place in their lives where they can’t imagine themselves being alone, so they keep dating different people at different intervals. Searching for the next available person when the present one doesn’t work out. It doesn’t matter to them how short the relationships last; they just want to be with someone. When you search deeper into why dating seems kind of hard, you will find out some of these reasons;

1) The Fear of Commitment:

Many people are not ready to commit to their relationships. We have more people today who are just looking for a thing on a whim. More people these days date just for fun, so when things start getting serious with their partners, they look for an easy way out. This poses a huge setback to their partners, especially those who want to take it further. Insisting on commitment in a relationship where one partner doesn’t want to be committed may break that relationship apart. And that’s how they go back to the dating market and start looking for other eligible persons to date all over again.

Research has shown that the fear of commitment between people dating is usually incited by the trauma of past relationships. These include not growing up in a healthy family, witnessing your parent’s difficult relationship or divorce, the fear of getting hurt, the probability of things not working out, the fear of being with the wrong person, and the self-consciousness of not being good enough.

2) Dating is expensive:

Oh, you can say that again. This is another good reason why dating is hard. It’s because it’s so expensive. If it were a commodity sold in the supermarket, it would be displayed in a section of the store where only the rich would shop. If dating were a service rendered, the payment would be in thousands of dollars. That’s how expensive dating is. You have to invest your time, money, and your emotions. In a world where your time spent working and the input you make is equivalent to the resources that come your way, it’s no wonder that some may not be able to sacrifice their time to spend connecting with other people.

Building a relationship is work, and that’s why it’s called “Building”; it’s a continuous investment. Going on a date with your partner, ordering meals from the restaurant, buying her flowers, getting him a gift, spending time with her to know what she likes or dislikes, setting up a surprise for him, having fun together, taking care of her when she’s sick or down, being there when his plans are going down rock pit; all these are efforts made in dating that requires you to put in your time, money and emotions. So, whoever isn’t up for all these ends up taking the back door and shutting it tight. Dating is not cheap; it’s very expensive!

3) Unrealistic expectations:

Do you know that feeling of what I was expecting vs what I got? It’s hilarious most of the time because the expectations, most times, don’t meet the physical manifestations, especially when the expectations are unrealistic. A guy is searching for a girl to date, and he wants a very beautiful slim, and tall lady, who not only has big boobs but a huge backside, is outspoken but not hot-tempered, should be able to take care of herself, and not ask him for money and at the same time, be submissive to everything he says.

Meanwhile, the reality is that it’s usually not possible to find all these attributes in one person. Many girls are so in tune with love stories that they picture that the person they would date gets to save them like a damsel in distress. The Cinderella and Prince Charming sort of story. This results in frustration after meeting so many people and still can’t get someone to date because the qualities you seek don’t exist.


As the year goes by, dating seems to be harder. One reason why dating is hard is that morals are dropping. When you look at the world, you would realize that things are changing. Feelings are no longer taken seriously. Gone are the days when people stayed with each other through difficult times. Now, no one wants to stay when the waters are troubled. People are becoming selfish. They just want to have things their way without considering the effects their decisions and attitudes have on the other person.


With the advent of dating apps, everything has become scarier. Though we can’t deny the fact that these dating apps allow for connections with people from various parts of the world, we also can’t deny the fact that it has also been a brooding area for scammers. Now, people are scared. They see new people and have new connections that may seem pleasant online, but it’s a whole ball game entirely when it comes to meeting. They are faced with issues of insecurity. What if this person is not really who he claims to be? Is she using a fake profile? Are his intentions not pure towards me? These are the various questions of uncertainty that keep popping up in intending hearts. Once these fears are there, there’s no opening up and advancing. It keeps you stuck in that circle of connecting and withdrawing.


One more reason why dating is considered hard is because of the illusion of love shown on social media platforms. It’s not new to see people posting their love life for the world to see. How their partner buys them gifts, cooks for them, adorn them with pieces of jewellery, and all that. So, when the average person who is struggling in that dating relationship sees it, they are compelled to believe that the grass looks greener on the other side, not knowing that it’s an illusion.

An illusion because they don’t get to see when the couples have a fight or when their partners cheat on them, nor do their secret cries in the closet come out in the limelight. The only thing the world gets to see is a painted picture of a false reality. Judging your relationship by social media standards removes you from standing on firm ground and keeps you on the edge with your balance and safety threatened because you keep having frustrations and unrealistic expectations from your partner.


Dating seems simpler when we are younger. This is because we have a wider pool of acquaintances and new people we meet based on our association in places of interest. Ask people who got dating when they were much younger, and most would tell you they met their partners in school and school-related associations such as parties, field trips, competitions with other institutions, and even wedding ceremonies of friends or coursemates. Chances are that in your 30s, you’ve gone past these stages of acquaintances and have a lesser opportunity of meeting such a variety of people.

So, dating may be hard for people in their 30s because they have a lesser spectrum of potential partners to choose from, which could also pose a problem. After all, they may not necessarily find someone who suits their choice easily. You know, dating younger means having the time to play and have fun around because you feel there’s still enough time to settle down. Well, it’s not the same for people dating in their 30s.

Most persons who date in their 30s do so to settle down immediately, so they are rigorous about their expectations of the qualities in a partner. They already know who they are and what they want and look for deliberate steps. The not-so-good thing about this is that they already know what they want in a partner. They are always in a rush and are not ready to build up, even when they find out what they want is in the raw material form. They always want the finished product, and that’s why dating is hard for them, as they may not get to meet many already stable and built-up people.


It’s sometimes unbelievable, especially to women, that dating is difficult for guys, too. We’ve come to have this perception that all guys are capable of dating any girl they want, provided the girl wants them to. Well, the truth is, dating is hard for guys, and you’ve got to believe it.

This stems from the fact that some guys are shy and are unable to make connections with the opposite sex. As much as we have guys who are so bold and have this daring attitude that girls love, Some guys are also as shy and introverted as a high school brainiac. They see someone they like and practice so hard to talk to her, but in the end, when they meet, their lips can’t just move smoothly. They start stuttering, afraid that they will be rejected even before they say what they feel. That’s what eventually happens anyway. In the end, they don’t get to date much.

This is a result of how society has shaped the mindset of men with regard to not expressing their emotions. Men find dating hard because they try as much as possible to fit into the societal beliefs of how an ideal man is supposed to behave, neglecting their desires and keeping them feeling unfulfilled and frustrated.

The world is a lonely place, and the need for connection is a topmost priority. So, even though dating can be difficult, hopefully, with the help of this article, you can discover what you aren’t doing right and work on it. Dating doesn’t have to be hard!

How to Deal with the Difficulty of Dating

Dating can be hard, but do not give up. There are ways to get through it and even enjoy it while looking for your match.

Have Fun!

Be determined to enjoy the dating process. Do not place too much pressure on yourself or your date to meet all of the requirements for a potential marriage partner. Make it an opportunity to meet new people and learn to know yourself better.

And, as the old saying goes, “Don’t go to the grocery store when you’re hungry.” Make sure you aren’t desperate, lonely, or still healing from a recent breakup. You don’t want to start out in a position of vulnerability where you might take anything you get.

Keep a Log

Many people struggle with dating because they have lost their sense of control. You may feel judged, compared to others, and unsure of yourself. For some, it can feel like a giant mind game, and you may begin to question whether your mind is playing tricks on you. Was that date truly as good as you remember it, or are you just longing for a connection?

Dr. Carmichael offers some advice on how to handle this emotional rollercoaster. She suggests keeping a dating log (akin to a thought log for anxiety).

“Every time you go on a date with someone,” she says, “write one or two lines. Each individual gets one page where you write down what they did if there was any physical contact, if the next date was arranged, and who initiated it. You may also want to record who paid and whether there were any red flags to look out for.

She says this practice can help people stay grounded in the “facts” rather than how they feel right now. For example, maybe you’re freaking out because you haven’t seen your date in a few days, but you check back at your log and realize that it’s normal for you to see them once a week.

Hedge Your Bets

Many people are uncomfortable with uncertainty and liminality, so they rush into relationships. Learn to become more comfortable in the gray areas of the getting-to-know-you phase.

If you want to be in a monogamous relationship, Carmichael suggests that you “not become exclusive by default—only become exclusive once you’ve had a conversation [with your partner] on why you both want to be exclusive.”

Why Do I Find It Hard to Date Someone?

You find it hard to date someone due to many reasons. It may be because of fear of commitment, trust issues, and personal upbringing, a few to name. In introspection, you can determine your reason and work on it.

I Genuinely like This Girl, but I Do Not Think I’m Ready to Date. How Do I Get Ready for Dating?

No one can determine your readiness for a relationship except you. Take your time and analyze what is hindering you from being ready. After pinpointing it, then weigh the pros and cons to know if you are ready.

How Do I Overcome the Fear of Commitment?

  • Firstly, acknowledge your fear of commitment.
  •  Secondly, discover the reason behind your fear.
  • Lastly, face your fears.

Why Does Dating Feel So Difficult?

Data shows that nearly half of Americans think dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago. This is because of the following reasons: technology, high expectations, emotional risk, and physical risk.

Is Dating Harder for Boys or Girls?

Dating is hard for most people, regardless of their gender. The dating market keeps expanding, hence making it more competitive.

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