Possessiveness: How to Deal With it Efficiently


Often times in romantic relationships, practically every one of us experiences some level of possessiveness. After all, the sense of “belonging” to someone is at the heart of the words “be mine”— something we hear every Valentine’s Day. In the ensuing paragraphs, we go deeper into what being possessive entails.

What is Possessiveness?

For the most part, possessiveness extends beyond expressing pleasure in a partner’s accomplishments or being mildly upset when someone becomes overly flirtatious with our significant other.

Possessiveness, when carried too far, can become a significant problem that leads to other relationship issues. Jealousy, abuse, paranoia, and stalking are just a few examples. So, it is critical to understand the indicators of possessiveness in a relationship and to detect when things are going wrong.

Why Individuals Are Possessive

Research has proven that possessiveness stems from a fear of losing. Possessive persons are concerned that their partners may abandon them. Fear, rage, and despair are all elicited as a result of this. On the flip side, trust is essential to any effective relationship. To trust, you must believe your spouse is trustworthy, cares about you, and can be relied on. Securely attached people believe they are deserving of affection and that others can be trusted.

Causes of Possessiveness

Being possessive is often a factor of anxiety about relationship types. Relationship anxiety patients have a negative self-image but a favourable impression of others. They are concerned that their spouses cannot be trusted. They are plagued by a constant fear of rejection.

Possessiveness can also be an indicator of borderline personality disorder. Basically, those suffering from this condition frequently experience mood fluctuations. In order to escape apparent abandonment, they exhibit intense possessiveness.


Possessiveness can be difficult to pinpoint. Sometimes, they seem like genuine affection; other times, they could come off as controlling and abusive. However, understanding the indicators of possessiveness and how to cope with them can help you recognize the difference and keep it under control.

Here are some warning indicators to look out for:

1. Moving Too Quickly

The start of any romantic relationship can be exciting, but if your partner is hastening your relationship by saying “I love you” or forcing you to move in together too soon, it could be a symptom of possessiveness.

2. Keeping Track of Your Schedule

If you are frequently questioned about your whereabouts, your partner may cross the line and project old fears onto you. Notifying your significant other of any big schedule changes is customary, but you should be allowed to go shopping or have lunch with friends without continually checking in.

3. Eavesdropping

People with attachment anxiety are more prone to compromise their privacy by eavesdropping since they have lower levels of trust. Checking your phone for messages, monitoring your emails, and reading your social media posts are examples.

Your partner may attempt to justify their actions by blaming you for not telling them enough. They may also consider your property to be theirs.

4. Attempting to Manage Your Time

If your partner is possessive, he or she may demand that you spend all of your free time with them. However, you must cultivate good relationships with your friends and family as well as your love partner. When your partner interferes with those links by requiring you to spend all of your time with them, you may become isolated or damage your other connections.

How to Manage Possessiveness

It can be difficult to navigate possessiveness in a relationship. There are, however, ways to tackle the situation, whether you’re in a relationship with someone who is extremely possessive or if you’re in a relationship where you’re too dominant.

How to Handle a Possessive Partner

If you notice signs of possessiveness in your relationship, understand that it is not about you. Their possessiveness stems from their concerns, which could be insecurity, attachment anxiety, or a personality condition.

Basically, you can reassure your lover of your feelings for them and the current situation of your relationship. If their possessiveness hasn’t devolved into abuse, this may be enough to reassure them of the security of your partnership.

However, counselling may be necessary if reassuring your partner does not alleviate possessiveness. This may assist them in dealing with challenges from their past. Couples counselling may be beneficial to both of you.

How to Handle Your Possessiveness

Here are some things you can do if you’re the possessive one in a relationship to deal with your own fear of loss:

  • Avoid snooping or situations that could lead to unfounded suspicions.
  • Discuss your feelings with your partner calmly.
  • Maintain relationships with people who are not your partner.
  • Seek the assistance of a therapist if you are experiencing emotions of insecurity.

What Is Possessiveness in Love?

We interpret the phrase to mean that a companion is more concerned with making you happy than with giving unconditional love and affection. Possession refers to having control over or ownership of something. Of course, you can’t truly own someone, but you may try.

Who Is a Possessive Person?

Being possessive implies that you are a little selfish when it comes to people or things in your life: you hold to them closely and declare, “Mine!”… If you won’t let anyone else play with your dog, for example, you’re being possessive of it.

Is True Love Possessive?

True love is not a possessive. True love is vast, open, and lasts unlimited lifetimes. You’ll know you’ve met your soulmate or spiritual companion when you have a deep, inward feeling of contentment.


Possessiveness is not a sign of love, in my opinion. Love is characterized by many other qualities, and being overly attached to someone or obsessed with them is not one of them. People frequently confuse possessiveness for the indication that their partner is deeply in love with them, which should alarm you.

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Tips on how to stop being possessive in your relationship

Dealing with possessiveness in a relationship

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